I turned it off, and it feels great!

They said “sometimes people put up walls, not to keep people away, but to see who cares enough to tear them down.” It’s true. Sometimes when distance yourself from others, gives the time to discover your real self better. And I discovered that, I’m quite smart when I’m not emotionally involved, otherwise I’m dump. Does that mean I should stay out of love for too long? Till I become more capable of its consequences? Its ups and downs? Well, I guess yea. It’s a good choice so I can concentrate more on my main goals, my future, without any kinds of disruptions. But is it selfishness? That I turned my emotions off? I really don’t know, but what I know is that, I’m not really sure if I can turn it on again.

walking alone is good.

 

 Don’t rush things. If you want to get something, you gotta learn how to be patient. Waiting is a good sign that you want to get things right. If that means you have to walk alone, then let it be. I learned my lesson the first time, I used to rush things fast. I used to be that shallow person who wants everything to be done fast. Which it turned out to got me to the wrong road; to no where, but failure. This is the main lesson of life’s school, if you didn’t learn it earlier, then you’ll learn it in the hard way as I did. 

Life will never make sense, but learning from your mistakes will lead you to the right path, to know your real purpose of life.

it’s ok to have fears.

 As human beings, we need support, we need people understanding. But they don’t live with you, they don’t live in your brain. No one will completely understand your situation except you. In some point, you gotta step up and fight them yourself, make what you think it’s right for you for your own good, either by their supports or not. It’s ok to have fears, it doesn’t mean it’s going to turn bad. It’s ok to be selfish every once in a while and do what is best for you and your life. 

 

When one makes big decisions in life; decisions that can change your life, it’s only a fool that doesn’t have fears. That’s a part of growing up.

I’m not fine. not yet.

I forgot how it feels like to breath, to feel alive, to be loved. I can keep pretending that I’m normal… Thank you for thinking that I’m fine, but fuck you for thinking that I’m, because I’m not.